There is no doubt that change can be hard. Many people find it easier to stay safely in their comfort zone rather than face new challenges. We all inevitably face change; it is part of a happy and fulfilled life. The key is to find ways to make it easier to cope with.

It can be particularly challenging when young people are facing transitions such as moving to secondary school or college, moving house, or dealing with family changes. It is important to be kind to ourselves and acknowledge that being nervous is completely normal. It may seem like everyone else is coping, but people can be good at hiding their true feelings. Start from a place of acceptance before putting in place strategies and tips to help lessen any anxieties.

Transition from primary to secondary school

Moving from Primary to Secondary school can seem like a daunting prospect. Your child goes from being the oldest to the youngest, in a much larger school with different rules and expectations. They will also be dealing with new routines, making new friends, and having different teachers. It can feel overwhelming for both the child and the parent. Secondary schools are increasingly hosting transition days & events to help with these changes, but there are also practical things you can do to help.

Tips for secondary school transition

Familiarise yourself with the new route to school. Plan a trial run of the journey before they start. You could even practice the new routine by getting up on time if your child is willing!

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Schools often provide a map of the classrooms so spend time with your child looking at these to check where they need to go on the first day. If they have worries about getting lost, talk through what they would do in this situation and emphasise they will not get into trouble.

If possible, plan a meet up during the summer holidays with children who will be at your child’s new school. This can be daunting especially if your child has anxiety, but it can be helpful to see familiar faces on their first day. If your school organises this, encourage your child to attend if they feel able, even for a short time.

Involve your child in the decision making by letting them choose new stationery and school supplies. This can give them a sense of control and ownership.

Create a sense of predictability by sticking to usual routines even when things are hard. Continue with sports, hobbies and seeing friends as much as possible.

Emotional support for all types of transitions

Parents can feel helpless when their child is struggling but you can make a real difference by creating a familiar, safe, and supportive environment where children feel comfortable expressing emotions. This can significantly improve their ability to cope with change.

Photo by Katerina Bolovtsova

Validate their feelings and provide reassurance that they are normal. Listen to their worries but try not to say “don’t worry you’ll be fine”, although this is well meaning, it may feel dismissive to your child.

Manage expectations – understand it takes time to settle in. Be patient, not everything can be “fixed” straight away.

When facing big changes, focus on one new thing at a time rather than being overwhelmed with the bigger picture.

Help your child to develop coping strategies. This could be deep breathing exercises, meditation/mindfulness, getting creative or exercising, whatever your child finds most helpful.

Include downtime as a family. Playing a fun game or watching a comedy can bring light-hearted relief when struggling with difficult emotions.

Additional Challenges

Although it is normal for change to cause some anxiety, if you notice that your child is finding it particularly difficult, you may need to ask for additional help. Signs include:

Heightened anxiety, mood swings, difficulty sleeping, or changes in appetite. Feelings of persistent sadness. Increased clinginess or withdrawal. Declining academic performance. Headaches and/or stomach aches, increasing conflict or aggressive behaviour.

Look after yourself!

Supporting a child through transitions can be exhausting for parents. Although you may feel that it is indulgent, you need to look after your wellbeing to be able to support your child. Make sure you eat well and get enough sleep. Talk to friends about how you feel. Have a bath, read a book, or go for a walk. Anything that gives you space to clear your head will be helpful. Remember that times of change won’t last forever. You will get through it and be more resilient for future challenges.

Resources

For more information – www.youngminds.org.uk

Go Big – The Secondary School Survival Guide by Matthew Burton